


Invigorating Poetry From The Soul

by Tortured_Artist



Category: N/A - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 16:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortured_Artist/pseuds/Tortured_Artist
Summary: A collection of my poetry writings





	1. Star Crossed lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is my first official work on Archiveofourown! I have been awaiting the invitation for weeks and weeks and in SO happy that i now have an account and a place to share my work with other writers!  
> Anyway, this is a poem I wrote a while back about a toxic relationship, trying to find who I am, and dealing with the unwanted and hateful opinions of our unequal, unsupportive society.

Happy together  
Because  
Boy’s dreamer by night  
But always is different  
And as lips intertwine  
Inside my mind  
I find the mirror’s reflection tonight

Do see me with he  
As I saw the watered lotus flower  
In a garden of thorns and weeds

Love us  
Or pretend  
And whispers  
My friend  
As the weeds do whisper  
And thy thorns do impale the tender flesh  
And burn like hellfire  
Until life is no longer dire  
And your soul screams “I can’t take this”

Wonder and imagine  
The bird  
As it has to fly  
See me as the bird  
And ask little  
I am not a girl  
Nor boy  
Nor do I embody  
A man or a woman  
I know not of what or who I am  
But imagine me as the bird  
I must either find who I am and survive  
Or be flightless, trapped, and die


	2. Everything Will Be Okay

It begins  
Secretly  
A revelation  
Of one’s true self  
He does not love his body  
He was born in the wrong body  
And then he thinks  
To himself  
Is this selfishness?  
No  
This is not a phase  
He is not insane  
But they make him think that he is  
Because humanity is inhumane  
So he keeps it  
To himself  
To be what he is not  
To be whom he is not  
To let them see what they want  
But remembers the scars  
He never forgot  
He is not okay  
No  
Not today  
Can’t deal with the pressure  
But he sees a future  
So he decides to wait

Then he turns eighteen  
Slowly comes out and moves away  
And now he is free  
Free to dance in the rain  
He is no longer she  
And he finds that he is now safe  
And he finds someone  
To make him okay

Long threads of dead cells  
Cut from the skull  
And the breasts are bound  
So the chest does not show  
G. R. S.  
That is his goal

Three years later  
He’s at a bar  
Orlando  
And he crashes his car  
His best friend  
In the hospital  
Gun hit him  
Didn’t know this was possible  
His parents didn’t call  
To ask if he was alright  
But he knows  
He can’t lose sight  
Of who he is  
On the inside

Five years later  
He’s married to a man  
They have a couple kids  
And of them is pan

His best friend was okay  
And now everything  
Is okay


	3. Not In Her Body

She's not in her body  
she's in her mind  
searching for something  
she'll never find  
trying to escape the hate  
that leaves her blind  
running from the fears  
she cannot hide

 

trying to be someone  
she cannot be  
yearning for someone  
she'll never see  
holding on to someone  
wasn't meant to be  
waiting for someone to find her  
and set her free

 

hoping for something  
it's never gonna happen  
always living  
in her dreams  
someone's trying  
to get her attention  
but she never  
hears a thing


	4. Cold Snowy Memories

We met in November  
On my 16th birthday I remember  
You said “Imma make you mine”  
And chills ran up my spine  
I thought about you all the time  
And I said “okay”  
Because I couldn’t see the signs  
Through your lies behind those pretty eyes   
Cuz you the kinda girl that hides  
And says that she is fine  
When she got scars on her arms  
And inside she is dying  
And alone she is crying  
Cuz no one understands you  
But I do

I remember   
In December  
After we had broken up  
Again, you had cut  
We were in the gym  
And it started to snow outside  
And that day I realized  
You were in love with him  
Not me, oh well, that’s okay  
Cuz in the snow  
You lose track of time and go with the flow  
And I start to grow  
And i start to know  
that all you had was bitches and hoes  
I aint mad though  
you only dropped me for some tobacco  
lovin a player, took so many photos  
but bitch when he hurts you  
you can cry on my shoulder  
I wont say I told you so

What’s wrong with you  
Silly little girl  
Just another damn toy  
he can use  
play with  
and disregard  
Why can’t you see  
that to him  
that’s all you fucking are   
Stupid bitch  
you’ve already been scared  
Why would you  
set yourself up again  
We both know you know  
what’s gonna happen  
He will leave, break your heart  
Just like all those other men  
All you gonna gain from this  
Is more stress  
and pain  
and you’re gonna miss it  
You’ll go back to cocaine  
and popping happy pills  
You’ll pick at your veins  
and say that happiness kills  
Please put down the rope  
the drugs  
your nails  
the knife  
Just fucking learn to love yourself  
and love your fucking life  
Because baby  
you are flawless  
perfect in my eyes  
you don’t need a man  
to take your hand  
mine is just as fine.  
All he wants  
is to take your fucking dress off  
cut out the outer edges  
of your counterpart  
but I only wanna  
be with you  
hold your hand and   
breathe with you  
but when I hold your hand  
you never hold mine  
I don’t even know   
Why I am still tryin  
Cuz I feel like if I leave you  
And when he does too  
You’re gonna be cryin  
And I don’t want you to die  
I don’t want you to cut yourself  
You thinks a small one’s not a big deal  
But you don’t understand   
I have felt what you feel  
And it is a big deal to me  
Even though in your heart   
Ill never truly be  
But that’s okay  
Because when he leaves you  
When he hurts you  
You’ll see  
You are everything  
To me  
You always  
Wear his fucking neckless  
Mabey im just  
fucking jealous  
or maybe you’re just  
fucking reckless  
why are you  
so damn rebellious


	5. TOXIC

No one understands her  
Her scream is a whisper  
She’s high enough without cocaine  
And her immortal human emotions  
Fuck her up just the same

Too sad to cry  
Too numb to move  
Too weak to try  
Don’t know if she’s alright  
Too afraid to die  
And she don’t know why  
Too dumb to lie  
Should she say goodbye  
Too much to hide  
And when the blood runs dry  
Too lost to find  
When she’s the last one of her kind

Her life is catastrophic  
They told her she’s psychotic  
And she can’t stand  
All the gossip  
The rumors are so erotic  
She’s hides her secrets in her pocket  
Blood dripping down her arms like faucet  
So pale, now she feels nauseous  
How long will she be toxic

Too sad to cry  
Too numb to move  
Too weak to try  
Don’t know if she’s alright  
Too afraid to die  
And she don’t know why  
Too dumb to lie  
Should she say goodbye  
Too much to hide  
And when the blood runs dry  
Too lost to find  
When she’s the last one of her kind

They told her she’s going to hell  
For just being her god damn self  
And she has no self-control she knows  
Always watches, never goes  
Because she has no confidence  
And she faces every consequence  
And she has self-esteem  
In her dreams  
But in real life  
She lives a lie

Too sad to cry  
Too numb to move  
Too weak to try  
Don’t know if she’s alright  
Too afraid to die  
And she don’t know why  
Too dumb to lie  
Should she say goodbye  
Too much to hide  
And when the blood runs dry  
Too lost to find  
When she’s the last one of her kind

(No one understands  
Just take her hand  
All she wants is someone to love her  
Someone to make it all better  
To be the Band-Aid on all her shattered heartbreaks  
And her all her hopeless hopes and dreams  
But she’s waited all her life  
And she’s running out of time  
She doesn’t know why she’s still alive  
She has lost all her will to fight  
She’s dragged along  
Endlessly  
Waiting for that someone  
Desperately  
So tell me  
How long will I be toxic?


End file.
